Did you see the special on CNN last night titled "What The Pope Knew"? In my opinion, it was pretty powerful. Well, if by chance you missed it they are airing it again tonight. It's worth watching.

What I found really strange is that the church wants to portray the pontiff as some sort of hero in all of this. But what they don't seem to care much about is the fact that there is a paper-trail that leads to his direct involvement in some of these cases. Of couse, they have an excuse for that too. Weird!

It is incredible for me to see how all of this has progressed from the time I came forward in 1994 to today. The articles and news coverage 16 years ago were very different. Not to mention what people believed about the accusations being made. I think folks have a much clearer understanding of how the church handled these things. Had it been any other corporation that allowed pedophiles to continue working without reporting it to the proper authorities, I believe all of them would be facing criminal charges for their involvement. Not the Catholic church! They are still one powerful organization on this planet.  Astounding!

Hopefully that will change too. I know first-hand how slow our legal system moves, but I also believe it can ultimately bring justice. I've learned to be more patient with regards to all of this. I have to constantly remind myself that God's timing is much different than mine. The sixteen years I've been involved with exposing this is but a blink of an eye to God. Think about the fact that what is being exposed in the media today has actually been going on for centuries within this organization. Crazy, really!

So as much as I want to get on a loud speaker and shout "I told you so", I need to remind myself that if I allow the Universe to handle it, all I have to do is sit back and watch it unfold. For me, that's how it works.

CNN did a great job on this. I don't know, but I suspect that they were very cautious with this story because they probably had threats of legal action being taken against them by the church (I know how that feels).

Well, the cat's out of the bag now.

What will Benedict and his team do next?

Namaste!

David

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For the first time in my life that I can recall, while visiting a foreign county the pope was greeted by several protesters. It happened in Britain. Thousands showed up to show their disdain for the actions of this man and his cohorts in the Catholic church hierarchy. While there were many folks protesting many different things, the articles online, in the newspapers and magazines as well as what was broadcast on TV showed a large portion of the crowd carrying signs about the church's handling of pedophile priests. It's really amazing to see.

For someone like me it was exciting to see. Sixteen years ago when I came forward it was very different. However, with a little exposure and some persistence by those who were criminally abused by members of the clergy, things seem to be changing.

I wonder what Benedict thinks. Imagine being accustomed to having people kiss your ring when in your presence and all of a sudden they're holding signs and shouting at you for your direct involvement in the cover up of criminal activity. That's right, Pope Benedict was directly involved. And now he's got to be realizing that people aren't holding him on that pedestal that we were taught to do as children. No, rather we are standing up and confronting an organization that has caused an enormous amount of pain and shame for so many.

This thing is global. It seems that no matter where this pontiff goes these days he is greeted by people who want to confront the actions of his past. And in my opinion, he should be. He had several years before being selected as the leader of the Catholic church to do something about it all, yet chose not to. In fact, chose to cover up horrible crimes. Probably never thought it would come to this. But it has.

And for me that's a powerful shift. It shows me that people are believing the stories they are hearing and are taking a stand against sexual abuse and the cover up by those in positions of power. And I believe that by doing so, we are enlightening a lot of folks.

It isn't easy to come forward and talk about such shameful experiences from our youth, but I think we'll be seeing a lot more people doing it. All because they now realize that they are not alone. Really never were.

So, Pope Benedict is once again saying how sorry he is for these unspeakable crimes, but doesn't really seem to be taking any of the blame himself. Probably won't. But, I understand. He's got a few lawsuits pending against him and the Vatican and to admit that he was directly involved would show guilt. Instead being vague in his apologies and selective to whom he speaks with seems to be the current advise he's receiving from his PR folks. However, I bet they didn't expect the thousands that showed up to show their support for people like me.

I want to say thank you to those protesters in England. Maybe the next country Benedict decides to visit will give him the same kind of treatment. And maybe, just maybe he'll take responsibility for his part in this epidemic.

It'll be interesting to see.

Namaste!

David :)

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Some time ago, I was debating with my friend Janis about different belief systems people have. I was telling her how I couldn't understand how some of the people in my life can be incredibly smart individuals with very high IQ's, yet when it comes to common sense, they seem to be lacking a bit. For example, I know some very highly educated people with Master Degree's and Doctorate's, but somehow when it comes to their religious beliefs; they can't seem to think for themselves.

That's when Janis said to me "All truth is personal". Two people can be told the same set of circumstances and yet both walk away with very different beliefs of what was told to them. I wonder if this is just human nature or is it more about what we are taught during those formidable years? Perhaps a little of both.

One such person is a medical doctor. Knows the body inside out. How it functions and what is required to heal it. Yet, when it comes to their own personal beliefs about God or religion, they can't seem to think for themselves. Always referring to what their religion (regardless of which one it is) tells them. And that even applies to the atheists I know too. It's really strange to me.

I've often questioned whether I would have been the type of individual who would have questioned my religion if I had never been molested and decided to confront it? I certainly want to believe I would have, but I'm not so sure. Being ingrained into my psyche all those beliefs about fasting, prayer, supplication, and so on. Would I have just gone along with what I was taught? Maybe.

Which brings me to why I write about this.

I now know what Janis was saying when she made that statement. My truth is very personal. At this stage in my life, I'd say there isn't anything anyone could say to me that would make me question my beliefs. Nor could they convince me to believe differently. I've done that for myself already. I'm still doing it. That's not saying that I am not open to new ways of looking at what I believe, but at this point it's pretty well grounded in me. Which makes it personal.

Whenever I've recommended some of the books and reading materials I've benefited from over the years, I always tell them to absorb that which resonates with them and discard the rest.

So I guess the most important thing for me to remember is that when I am faced with a situation where I seem dumb-founded by what someone else's beliefs are, I should remember that it is personal. Not just for them, but for me too.

 

Namaste!

David :)

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September 5, 2010 was the fortieth anniversary of my natural mother Georgianna's death. The weirdest part for me is that I am only 45 years old. However, as I wrote in my book, I believe she is always with me. As each year passes, I am reminded of this more than ever. For some reason, I never forget this day. I may not remember it the moment I awake, but as soon as I notice the date the few memories I do have of her come flooding back.

This year as with others years, the memory of her sweeping the porch while I sat on the step comes to the surface. I love that memory!

So I wonder if she'd be proud of me and the work I have done? I wonder if she'd be happy I wrote a book about some ugliness from my life? I hope so. And I hope that my belief that she is always with me reminds me that I too need to remain proud of all of this. Proud to have stood up to one of the most powerful businesses on the planet (I use that word intentionally) and proud that I try to give a voice to the many who remain silent about their abuses.

I try to stay focused on the realization that healing from abuse takes hard work. It takes dedication and determination. And I know now that means paying attention to everything all the time. When a customer or co-worker pisses me off or when I have the opportunity to share some of my own experiences, the goal is to PAY ATTENTION. If I am focused and grounded I can come from a place of rational thinking and feeling. I'm still learning, but at the same time I get it. I screw up often, but acknowledging those screw ups may help me to not screw up as often.

Which brings me back to wondering if mom is proud of the man I've become. I'd bet money she is.

Knowing that is really empowering...

I love and miss you mom.

Namaste,

David :)

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Following is an article that I received recently in an email from SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests). It is about a very active participant in their organization. I have had the privilege of meeting her and speaking with her on several occasions. The reason I am posting this article is because I want you to know there are people out there who have survived some horrific events in their lives and yet go on to accomplish a lot. Joelle is one of these folks.

The other thing we have in common is that her abuser was employed by Mater Dei High School too. As I wrote in my memoir, over the years there have been several perpetrators accused at this prestigious high school in Orange County. Yet to my knowledge, none have been prosecuted. You may ask yourself how is that possible?

It is possible because the Catholic church is that powerful still. Even after everything that has been exposed.

If you choose to read the article (and I hope you do), take note of the responses she receives from the parishioners at the various churches she hands out flyers to. To this day it amazes me that these people still attend church, but even more incredible to me is that they still financially support it. I ask myself how is that possible?

But as I've written about many times before, that psychological hold the Catholic church (and all religions for that matter) have on their faithful members is very difficult to overcome. From first hand experience, it takes a lot of work.

However for me, it is worth it.

Anyway here's the article.

http://www.orangecoastmagazine.com/article2.aspx?id=24210

Keep up the good work you are doing Joelle, and know that our generation is making a huge difference in this epidemic of sexual child abuse. And know that you are one that has helped so many!

Namaste!

David :)

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I know I've talked about my new job in the last few blogs and it is probably because that is what consumes a lot of my time these days. With that being said, I want you to know that I have the opportunity to interact with young men and women who make up our country's Armed Forces. You see, there is a Military Base not far from where I currently work. And many of these young men and women and their families come in.

I have found myself taking the opportunity to thank them for their service (whether or not I am working with them). Not only the enlisted, but their loved ones as well. Because I know that all of them sacrifice a lot for me to have the freedoms I enjoy. It's given me one more chance to see things differently than ever before.

Most of these young folks aren't too comfortable with having me say "Thank You" and they usually feel a bit uneasy. They often reply with "No problem"! Some have even been so disciplined that if they are sitting down, they will usually stand as though a superior has entered the room. I always tell them that they don't need to stand for me. But at the same time, it does put a smile on my face. Heck, I'm old enough to be their father in most cases.

So I decided to look at this a little further when I think about this new experience of meeting so many of our nations "true hero's". It didn't take me long to realize how I have the freedom to write a book, tell my story and work on healing because I live in a part of the world where young adults are willing to fight (literally) for me to have that right. Amazing, really!

There are places on this planet where victims of abuse cannot speak out about their abuses. Especially when it is directly connected to one of the largest organizations on our planet. And especially when it pertains to a powerful religion.

Yet, I also know that for some of these young men and women, entering the military was a way for them to escape their abusive childhoods. Willing to move around the world and go into combat simply to escape the horrors of abuse they experienced as children. It was the only way out for some of them.

Fortunately for me I get an opportunity to talk about my healing with a few of them. The reason this topic comes up in our time together is because I wear a blue rubber bracelet on my wrist that represents "prevent child abuse". I wrote in an earlier blog (#55 -under April Archive's) where the blue ribbon originated from.

Anyway, I will sometimes get asked about this simple bracelet. When I explain what it represents, sometimes I get a response like, "I was abused as a child". I usually respond with "me too". If they feel like talking a little more I let them, or if they choose to not talk about it, I honor that too. I believe that for some of them, this is the first time they've ever admitted it to someone else.

Perhaps that is my purpose. Just to allow them to say it out loud. I know in my own journey, that's how healing began.

The best part about having an opportunity to interact with the men and women of our Armed Forces is that they remind me that I am allowed to heal and have a voice to speak out about abuse because they are willing to fight to the death to give me that right!

I don't take that privilege lightly...

Namaste!

David :)

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Wow! It feels like it has been a while since I've had the opportunity to sit down and write on this blog. I miss doing it. However, my life's journey has once again taken a turn and I find myself busier than ever. My job requires more hours than I originally thought, yet all the things that used to consume my life still have to get done. You know, laundry, cleaning the house, paying the bills and so on.

For a while I had the opportunity to take some time off. I was able to pick and choose the jobs I wanted and basically work on my own schedule. Well, those days are over for now. Because, as the Universe (God) would have it, I get to work on someone else's schedule. At first it was a shock to the system, but now that I've gotten into the routine, I can say with certainty that I really do like it.

So when I was trying to come up with something really great to write about in my next blog (I'm still working on scheduling time to write on a regular basis), I came up blank. "Writer's block"! Oh no!!!! Then I realized that my intention with all of this was to have an honest and open dialogue about healing from abuse. Perhaps part of that is by sharing my daily experiences. That's what I've done in the past and will continue to do.  Isn't that the purpose? At least it is for me.

Which brings me to why I shared all that with you. I want you to know that I believe more now than ever before in my life that I really have grown as a spiritual being. I am proud to say that I have learned much and I am now incorporating those lessons into my daily activities. As well as using it in my interactions with others. Doesn't mean I don't screw up (because I do) however, I know for sure that I don't screw up as often as I did in the past. :)

Trust me, that's a big accomplishment for me.

Learning that we are all connected has helped me deal with the people I encounter in my daily life that seem very different than me. Their journey seems to be the polar opposite of mine. Yet, somehow my God see's beauty in all of it. I'm trying to as well. Not easy, but when I remember to leave "judgement" out of the experience it makes it easier to see The Divine in all of it. Each of us has our own lessons to learn and through that we collectively affect each other. Maybe something that seemed like a BIG lesson for me is not so big to someone else. And vise versa.

What I do know is that if I stay focused on what I am learning at any given moment; I don't get caught up in the differences between me and whomever I am privileged to encounter in my daily activities. Make sense?

I hope so.

Namaste!

David :)

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Recently a friend of mine sent me an email.  It was one of those that tells a great story and then tells you to pass it on to several friends/family and you will receive a miracle.  Well, I personally believe that miracles happen daily.  Most of the time people aren't paying attention.  Anyway, the story was too good to not pass along.  So here it is.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

Namaste,  

David :)  

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the home of her husband's employer.   My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.    The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. Her husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.    As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant one evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.

He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.    Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts.   Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.                                                             
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure.

How absurd!
What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?    Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer.   She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin
collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.   A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see.  She had seen many pennies!    What was the point of this?
 
"Look at it," he said. "Read what it says."
She read the words,
"United States of America .."   "No, not that. Read further."
 "One cent?"
"No, keep reading."    "In God we Trust?"
"Yes!"
"And?..."    "And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin.  I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!"

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. "Yes, God, I get the message!"    It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient.
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I've posted a new article on here that speaks about a report that has been released regarding Jaycee Dugard's ordeal. Not only was this young girl kidnapped and raped for 18 years, it appears that parole agents here in California actually spoke with Jaycee during her captivity. UNBELIEVABLE!

Apparently this report was released in connection with a $20 Million settlement agreement in a lawsuit between the state, Jaycee and her two children.

So sad, really. It's hard for me to sit here and write this after reading the article. Makes my flesh crawl. Without having any documentation in front of me, I can only speculate. However, even doing that I can't wrap my mind around how a known predator with a "court-ordered tracking device" and known in the neighborhood as "Creepy Phil", would have any children on his property. The article even goes on to say that the "parole officers failed to conduct a thorough check of Garrido's (Creepy Phil's) property even after his court-ordered tracking device placed him in areas of his property where he was not allowed to be". Okay, doesn't take a genius to read that and ask ourselves how is it possible that there are limitations to where he can go on his own property (probably because children lived nearby) yet don't second guess the simple fact that there is a child (young adult) on that very property with whom they are speaking to? Again, UNBELIEVABLE!

Seems as though the neighbors were more aware of "Creepy Phil" than law enforcement. And as I wrote in an earlier blog about "control", Jaycee was obviously under his control. Look at how that control was powerful enough that her statements and actions did not create any suspicions by those who are trained to protect and serve. Wow! Amazing, isn't it?

I'm not here to disrespect those in law enforcement, but rather to point out to society that we need to be paying attention. Imagine how the circumstances could have been different if the parole department had asked questions of the neighbors. Surely they would have learned some important information. "Creepy Phil" could have been caught earlier.

But, unfortunately that's not the situation here. Twenty million dollars does not compensate for the lifetime of recovery. I hope that all three of them (Jaycee and her daughters) surround themselves with people who love and cherish them. People they feel safe with. And people who will allow them to heal on their terms and in their time.

I know I'll be keeping them in my meditations and prayers.

Namaste!

David :)

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Call me psychic! I wrote a few blogs back that the Vatican has got to be scrambling, and they are. Why? Pope Benedict XVI has been subpoenaed for a deposition in one of the lawsuits pending against the Vatican. Trust me, it is the first of many lawsuits to come.

This time they are using the argument that he is a "Head of State". I wonder how many faithful Catholics look at their leader in this capacity? I know when I was one of those that was faithful to the church, I never even thought about this aspect of his job.  Interesting.  Don't you think?

What I am hoping this accomplishes (whether he actually has to testify or not) is that practicing Catholics take a good hard look at what the hierarchy is doing under these circumstances. I know that some still believe somehow that none of this is true, but the majority of those who sit in the pews on Sunday mornings and throw money into the baskets have got to be asking themselves, what is going on here? To the ones who don't believe that any priests have abused children, there isn't much I can say. However, to those of you who have some common sense, perhaps I can suggest some things.

Number one: Just as you would do in a situation where you aren't pleased with the government's actions, contact your local leaders. Yes, that means talking to your parish priest.

Then maybe as a parish of concerned believers, write letters to your local hierarchy explaining your disdain for their actions. Send one to the top officials at the Vatican too. They need to know your concerns.

And then withhold your financial contributions to this organization. That always seems to get some attention.

If you are one of those who come from "guilt" with donating, no problem. Donate the amount you would normally "tithe" to a local organization; animal shelter, safe houses for mothers and children or something that you are passionate about.

In Altar Boy Altered Life I wrote about John Urell telling me that "first and foremost the church is a business and secondly it is a religion". See, even the hierarchy know the difference. And a business cannot sustain without your contributions.

I read somewhere that during the explosion of lawsuits here in California (which I am proud to have participated in it's initiation), many diocese's sent out letters asking the faithful to send donations to help offset the litigation (and pay settlements). The strangest thing for me to accept is that some people generously donated. What do they think of the current situation? Maybe they'll send money to the Vatican to help out now. If so, God Bless 'em! Perhaps the Vatican could make a small "commemorative" gift to send as a "Thank you" with an emblem from the Holy Sea.

Whatever the results of this subpoena may be, the important thing to take note of is that not too long ago the Vatican was not very concerned. Today they've got to be really worried. Not only regarding the financial toll this may take, but also the number of faithful members who will have the common sense to say; "Enough is Enough".

Namaste!

David :)

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